Sorry
POSTED AT 01:47 PM

duskee

I have been extremely busy these past few days. Plus, my laptop got infected with a worm. I can't really use it until it has been dewormed. hahaha... COMBANTRIN!!!

Anyway, I have a couple of pictures from our Sunday cruise. I'll put them up as soon as my pc gets fixed.

Until then...

... think of me.

What to say...
POSTED AT 09:13 PM

duskee

I don't know what to say...

I had a fun Sunday last week. I got sunburnt... silip niyo na lang yung pictures sa gallery...

MY PRAYERS GO TO THE TAN FAMILY WHO DIED IN A TRAGIC FIRE EARLY SATURDAY MORNING.

finally
POSTED AT 02:58 PM

duskee

A time to breathe...

I'm pissed! Guess at who...

You're answer is correct! The witch-who-shall-not-be-named!

I am such a hater. Oh gosh.

All I can say is... I'LL TRY BEING NICER IF YOU TRY BEING SMARTER.

Other than that... WORLD PEACE.

A look in the past
POSTED AT 12:08 AM

duskee

I would always treasure this post I had for my Xanga. Oh, and when you get to the end, remember, I still feel the same way. heheheeh...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wednesday, February 12, 2003

i think valentine's day sucks! it's not that i'm sore because i don't have a valentine, i never had one, and i'm not looking for one, it's just that it's such a good idea to take one day out of the whole year to remember love, unfortunately, it's too commercialized. it seems that valentine's day, that one day in the year set aside for love, has been reduced to flowers and chocolates. nothing more.

i mean, good for you if you believe in valentine's day, but do you even know why there is such a day? a friend wrote something in his weblog that i totally agree with. hmmm.... is he even my friend at all? oh well, someone i know wrote something in his weblog i agree with... that sounds better. i ain't telling you what it is. i'll tell you what it is if you reach your forehead with your tongue. if you can't, it's for me to know and for you to find out.

i know, you're prolly thinking i'll bite my tongue and eat my words someday. but today is not that day. today, i believe that valentine's day sucks. and i'll believe that tomorrow, and the day after that. and i'll believe it until someone comes along and proves me wrong.

anyone dare take up the challenge?


oh and yeah, i am a hopeless romantic. but that doesn't mean i've got to be someone's asspelunker. *wink at mei* what's an asspelunker you say? i ain't tellin.

Working on a Sunday... and then some
POSTED AT 11:05 AM

duskee

Doesn't it just suck?

I hate this. I mean, I want to do a good job. I don't want to miss deadlines. But in this project that they want me to do, it's kinda impossible to do it alone. And I am alone. Sure they help once in a while. But I need help with other aspects too. This help, they can not provide for simple reasons. One, they're plainly lazy. Two, they say they don't have the "skills" or don't want to have it. Three, their work is always half-baked that's why they weren't assigned to do it in the first place. Okay, even if I am left with all the hard work, I can deal with that. But geesh, can't all the others give me their work on time and even try to make it nice?

I am okay with pressure. I am okay with having to meet inhuman expectations. What I am not okay with is that they themselves are not sure what it is they want and they leave it to me to figure it out for them. Aren't they supposed to know?

So now, I am in the office on a Sunday. A Sabbath Day. This is not good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Oh sige, kwento na ako about the show last night.

I was supposed to go with two of my friends and my baby brother. He decided not to come cause he is the PA for the Joseph The Dreamer and they're gonna have a rehearsal today. He volunteered to buy the tickets for me since there are no reservations.

I was working really fast so that I can leave the office by 5. I was really excited for the show kasi the last one was December. I wanted to be there by 7. But my father said it would be too early. He didn't know!

Pinaghugas pa ako ng plates after dinner, which I did of course. Then my baby brother, Lance said, "Ate, late ka na. 8 na." So my mother said, "Bakit ka pa naghuhugas? Umalis ka na." Parang pinalayas ako noh?

So ayun, pagdating ko dun, nasa loob na sila Melody and the other angels. They weren't able to reserve a seat for me. And the people I was supposed to come with were late! Grabe!

When we got in, we sat a bit in the back. Well, it's not really far from the stage but I won't be able to get a good angle if I wanted to take shots. So chika chika muna with the angels who were seated on the second row. Medyo nabaliw sila nung nameet nila ako. Tawa lang ako. Pearl said kukuha siya ng pictures. I told her I had a gigicam with me but since malayo ako, hindi na lang ako kukuha. She wanted pala to take the pictures for me. hehehe... oh well.

After the front act, unting intayan, then, the show started. IT WAS A-W-E-S-O-M-E! If I wasn't singing along, my mouth was wide open from amazement! It was the first time I got to watch them like this. Parang mini concert na. It was just simply amazing. Parang Smart. They had lots of instrumentals which they didn't play in their previous gigs.

Tapos, after nung show, we wanted to go to the band. But THE VENUE is mataray. They won't let us in the back stage. So when we saw Ariel, he told us to follow them dun sa kainan. But the people from THE VENUE were so strict they won't let us in. They would let us in two at a time, and then boo us away kaagad. Bad sila. Oh well. I didn't even get to meet Memey personally, like I told Maix I would. Oh yeah, pinabigay niya kay Ariel yung cd. I didn't even get to ask them to sign my cd.

We waited downstairs. Tapos nung bumaba na sila, hindi sila dinumog. hahaha. I talked to Ariel a bit kasi he was in a rush. I gave him all my padalas. Dandan, Anj, Peachy, Pambs and Paula, intayin niyo na lang si Ariel ha. Bukas pa daw siya babalik sa Manila. Dandan, I asked Ariel to give my gift for Paula to you. Hindi daw kasi niya kilala si Paupau.

Then yun, the other angels left leaving Pearl, Ress, Melody and myself. Nag inuman kami... ng iced tea. Then we decided na hindi na lang sila dumugin sa hotel.

Then umuwi na ako. I am not sure kung pumunta pa sila Melody sa hotel.

I WANT MY FORUM BACK NOW.
POSTED AT 08:42 AM

duskee

*looks at title*

yun na yun... heheheh...

I know why it's not there... I know what's going to happen...

BUT..

huwala lang... you know naman me... atat! harhar

MAR AND QUALM
POSTED AT 01:52 AM

duskee

i love all my friends..

it hurts me when any one of them is hurting...

now...

i am stuck in the middle... between two oppossing forces.

each force of people i care for... each of those i love.

i have no strength to fight either one.

i have no strength to hide...

i have no strength to stand seeing them hurt..

but i have strength enough to keep on loving them and pray that one day, eyes will be opened... relationships be restored... and i can live in the middle with forces oppossing no more.

OK KIDS...
POSTED AT 03:28 PM

duskee

you better start smiling or i'm going to make palo you!!

hehehe...

wala lang... habang sad kayo, sad ako... anong magagawa ko ang layo ko sa inyo... matagal pa before ako makakauwi...

smile na kayo sige na... masakit eh...

remember...
POSTED AT 12:12 PM

duskee

when i went on field last january?

i finally have some pictures... hehehehe


view of the bunk house...


the pool is beyond that hut... and then... forest na...


i just love this pool... salamat talaga for the pool... forest na beyond those huts...


cool sunset noh? walang ganyan sa states... hehehe


climbing... haba dila ko but hindi masyadong obvious... heheheh


during the survey... i am such a boy... hehehehe...


group picture with the beloved brown cow in the background. when i want to text or call, i usually climb and sit on the roof of the brown cow... hehehe...
(nong nini, medel, me (like duh!), wayne, dodong ox, nong pectong)

ay siyet...
POSTED AT 10:54 PM

duskee

ipopost ko ito kung hindi magagalit ako.... hogi and i were talking about sunsets.... i was looking for this shot i took...

duskeepot: ayun
duskeepot: labo nung sunset na yun
duskeepot: nawawala
duskeepot: hahaha
hogi: hahahahaha
hogi: nawala ka rin tuloy
duskeepot: oo
duskeepot: kasama nung sunset
duskeepot: ngayon nangigigil na lang ako dahil tinataguan ako
duskeepot: hehehe
hogi: hahahaha
hogi: baka lalabas lang yan pag di mo na hinahanap
hogi: ganun ako eh
duskeepot: yeah
duskeepot: heheheh
duskeepot: ganun nga yun
hogi: ahahahah
hogi: baka sunrise na mahanap mo by then
duskeepot: ay
duskeepot: bahala na siya
duskeepot: ayaw ko na sa kanya
duskeepot: heheheheh
hogi:
hogi: wahahahahaha
duskeepot: bahala na siya
duskeepot: it can set all it wants
duskeepot: hehehehe
hogi: hehehe, ayaw lang magpakita sa akin
duskeepot: heheheh
duskeepot: i will put it in my tabulas kung mahanap ko na
hogi: okie
hogi: wheeee
duskeepot: hahaha
duskeepot: as if big deal talga yung pic
duskeepot: hahaha
hogi: onga
duskeepot: hahahaha
duskeepot: as if monster piece
duskeepot: este, master piece
hogi: monster piece
duskeepot: yesh
duskeepot: shet ang tanga ko
duskeepot: heheheh
duskeepot: andun na pala yun pic
duskeepot: grrr
hogi:
duskeepot: susmayo
duskeepot: stupid stupid cams
duskeepot: hahahah

NEWS FLASH
POSTED AT 11:22 PM

duskee

Camille Concepcion's toothbrush fell in the toilet bowl this morning. It was reported that while she was placing the alleged toothbrush back into the holder, it slipped from her hand and fell right in.

"It was just slippery. I didn't mean to do it," Ms. Concepcion pleaded.

"She should have closed the toilet bowl," the grandmother of the accused said with a laugh.

"I'll get a new one tomorrow," Ms. Concepcion said as her family members laughed at her.

The suspect is now believed to be using her travel toothbrush in the stead of her trusty violet toothbrush.

Services are now being held in Not-Real-Funeral-Parlor for the victim (the toothbrush).

Here again.. ranting.
POSTED AT 06:07 PM

duskee

This sucks!

Ever since October, I have been feeling like I am fulfilling the ”and all other duties assigned” portion of my contract more than my main responsibilities. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my job. No sarcasm there. But I wish I were actually doing what my job description says I ought to be doing.

I know that some people think I should be celebrating rather than moping. Point one, it’s tiring on field. Point two, you miss out on a lot in the “real” world while you’re there. Point three, I would get to spend more time with my grandmother who came over to visit us from Manila.

I, however, chose to be insulted by it. I am beginning to think that I should change my occupation title from field biologist to field research team secretary. As I am writing this, I am texting my co-worker, Medel, about the news that I am not joining the fieldwork, again. He said a lot of things, one of them is ”roll with the punches”. I replied, ”I’d rather throw punches.” I have always been a cheerful girl who has a big tendency to be a hater. Now, I am just a cheerful hater.

I wish I really could be Wonderwoman just like Pams said I was. But it is so much more easier (get the emphasis?) to be hostile than be ”cool and relaxed”. I am young, I am new and I am overflowing with enthusiasm. I don’t think it is wise for them to wait for me to be young, pissed and ennui.

Of course, the higher-ups have the right to tell me when I ought and ought not to join the fieldworks. But can’t they be a little bit more sensitive and inform me at least a whole day before? Ok, forget about sensitivity, just be a bit more human. A person does make plans for her week. She declines all invitations to join her mother or father in some random, fun trip to make room for the fieldwork. Now, all those “no’s” that were thrown add up to frustrations on missed opportunities.

Suspiciously, I think that the royal-couple-who-shall-not-be-named are making up a list of ways to tick me off. They’re getting uncomfortably close to unleashing my true and honest dark side. I don’t like my dark side. It scares me. They should be afraid too.

The royal-couple-who-shall-not-be-named have, unfortunately, the better end of the deal. I was raised in a way that I learned to demand excellence of myself. Although it would be fun to give haphazardly prepared work, I will not be able to live with myself. So, in spite of my feelings of utter disgust, disappointment and wrath, I keep on trudging, keep on working, keep on giving the best of myself. Of course, whether they deserve it or not is a completely whole other post. Currently feeling: aggravated

blank
POSTED AT 10:52 PM

duskee

This morning, my worst fears have been confirmed. They did not like my work. Not at all. Not even just a little bit.

When Medel came in the office, all ready for the field, he looked at me and beamed a smile. He was trying to cheer me up. He knew how disappointed I was that I won’t be able to join them. As I was checking my email, he was telling tall tales of how, when he was new, he was also always left behind during fieldworks. Until one day, he was asked to go to the center, then he was handed a broom.

When Dodong came in, he just laughed at me. He knew what was going on too. He, like Medel, was trying his darndest to cheer me up. I just gave a half-hearted smile.

The royal-couple-who-shall-not-be-named then called a meeting. I said, “oh, field research team din pala ako.” As I sat down to join them, I was psyching myself up to hear the worst. Then it started. Insults poured in. I kept on stepping out to wipe a tear or two away. They were not going to see me cry.

After hearing how so many things were wrong with my work, I have to deal with hearing miss-I-know-everything brag how easy my work was. How it has been assigned to me since November and how she doesn’t understand that it isn’t good. She bragged on how the editing was a simple task provided that all the text was there. I looked at her and asked, “what do you think I have been doing all this time?” Again, I stepped out. I was silently screaming in the Communications office. I knew, that my only allies during these times were Tatit, Ruby, Medel and Dodong.

Sometime during the meeting, our boss joined us and asked who were going on field. I said, lahat sila except me.” He asked why I wasn’t going. ”I’m too precious to go on field, I’m a city girl, ” is all I can say. No one has an answer.

What really gets to me is not the fact that I wasn’t going to join the fieldwork. I have accepted that I have to finish the manual because no one else will. What gets to me is that no one can answer a simple question - why am I the only one left behind?. It gets to me that I felt isolated during the meeting. I felt like it was my fault and my fault alone why the manual wasn’t what they expected. What gets to me are the side comments from people with half my skills telling me that what I was asked to do was a piece of cake. Well, they can take that cake and stuff it in their big fat mouths!

People say that when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade. I wanted to throw the lemons back at them. Of course, by doing that, my goal wasn’t to allow them to make lemonade. My goal was to hit them, hard hopefully.

The tears I shed throughout the morning were tears of frustration and anger. The anger part is obvious. They insulted me and that made me angry. The frustration stems from choosing not to insult them back. I had a ton, a manual of things I wanted to say. But I wanted to afford myself some editing on my thoughts before I poured them out. I didn’t want to say anything I would regret in the end. So I cried them out. Like flushing out poison you have ingested. Of course, that would leave a bad taste in the mouth. But at least, I am cleansed.

The royal-husband-who-shall-not-be-named later asked me to talk. I poured out all those edited thoughts. He apologized and I saw he was sincere. Still, the damage has been done.

What got me through the day were my friends who cheered me up or at least tried to. They let me rant, let me cry, made me smile, made me laugh, invited me to go to the airport, invited me to the fitting of Kabayan’s (the eagle) transmitter and went with me to eat at Abi’s Orient. Some friends sent me text messages they didn’t know was so timely.

Tomorrow, I go to the center to observe Kabayan. I thought I was left behind from the field to revise the manual? How easily people forget. I, however, have a good memory. Currently feeling: pensive

flattery gets you nowhere...
POSTED AT 09:04 AM

duskee

but is sure makes me feel G-O-O-D!

hehehe...

wala lang...

my baby brother, Lance's barkada was at our house a couple of days ago. ang sabi sa akin... te cams, ang taba mo na!.

mga chong, hindi kaya ako mataba. it's just that the last time you saw me was when i just came back from my 3weeks stay at mt apo and i lost over 10lbs then. this is my normal weight.

what was cute about it was, without missing a beat... sabay sabi sila ng, pero choy ka pa rin. cool!. hahahah... i just gave them a rock-on sign and smiled.

tong mga batang ito talaga... patawa!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i went to my college yesterday to attend a lecture on mathematical models of the home range and territory of the philippine eagle. naabutan ko pa yung lecture before that, which was about my thesis. when i sat down, my adviser saw me and kept on saying my name through the length of her lecture. nakakahiya... hehehe... then when she saw me when i was eating lunch with Lance, sabi niya, "it's so good that you were able to make it." namiss ata ako eh.. hahah

then after the philippine eagle lecture, lumapit ako sa lecturer and asked a couple of things. ang daldal niya. tapos he said, "we're very proud that you actually chose a line of work in biology instead of taking up medicine."

oh deva! kahit na inaapi ako sa office ng mga taong walang alam, proud sa aking yung mga faculty ng college ko. BEH! kaya mo yun?