My friends the soldiers
POSTED AT 04:45 PM

duskee

I was standing by the detachment today, watching the fog come in and out, listening to the rain drop and I suddenly felt sad. I was lonely. There were no more voices calling me inside, telling me to play cards. No one was asking me to sleep. No one offered me hot chocolate. No, people there didn't just suddenly turn heartless. It's just that the detachment had a few less people who belonged in my heart.

I can still remember it clearly. That day I met them. I slipped on a rock behind their detachment. Stupid feet wearing good shoes. I met only one then, and thought there were no other. This was in May.

Come July, I was back there, meeting more people. One I called papang because he called me anak. And truthfully, I called him papang because I couldn't remember his name. I know it now of course, his full name. I know his birhtday too.

Another one was just this noisy fellow. Funny. But noisy. Always saying my name wrong. Noisy.

There was a giant. Tall guy, quiet. Dances funny when he listens to music on the radio. Doesn't talk to me much. We talked more before he left.

The last one I almost didn't meet. I slept in his bed, drank his chocolate drink, but would probably have not met him if our schedules didn't get messed up. I talk to him the most now.

Last Saturday, their commanding officer decided to pull them out of my happy world. He took them away from me. He stole my friends the soldier.

Low morals. Breaking hearts. I heard every piece of our hearts break and fall and shatter and die.

Come Sunday, they packed all their bags. They left. Only one of them is left in the detachment now. Their rooms are now quiet, empty, dark, cold. Sad.

My heart was crying when they left. But that day, I had no emotion. I said it was all a sad deal through a smile. If we all smiled, maybe we wouldn't have to feel.

But today, as I stood there, alone, with only tasteless music in the background, I felt the pain. My friends the soldiers were gone. I might never see them again.

My father always told me to go out into the world and let them know you exist. I made myself known to this side of the world, but now, half of what meant anything to me in this side of the world is no more. My friends the soldiers meant more to me than the smallest fraction of the people in the company we're working with.

My friends the soldiers.

They prepared a birthday party for me out of love. They woke up early, got out of their beds and told me to lie in it instead. They made me sleep beside their guns. They gave me hot chocolate in the cold mornings. They let me loose enough games in cards so I would learn how to shuffle. They let me win enough to make me confident. And then, they just simply let me win. They cared about what I would want to eat for breakfast and lunch. They talked to me on the radio when I would go out looking for a bird to keep me company. They made me smile. They made me laugh. They touched my heart. My heart belongs to them.

My friends the soldiers. I might never see them again. They might be sent off to some place where real danger is found. They might die. That scares me. I wanted nothing more than to hug them and thank them for doing what they do so that we could be safer. I love them.

My friends the soldiers. I pretend not to run to the radio when they call me now. I pretend not to sit on pins and needles when they don't reply to my text.

My friends the soldiers. Give me a silly smile on my face. Keep this memory in my heart. I turned 22 with you. Please keep safe.

My grandfather
POSTED AT 11:03 AM

duskee

Tomorrow is my grandfather's first death anniversary.

I miss him so much.

I sometimes think it's unfair that other people still have their gramps when I don't.

I wish I can forget the pain of losing him. I wish I can forget the circumstances around knowing he died. I don't want to remember.

He pushed me to go for my dream. He believed. He comforted when that dream died. But he gave hope of a better dream.

I work hard now for him. Because he believed that even when our dream died, a new one would reveal itself and it would be better.

This is for you lolo. Every mountain I climb, every bird I save, every new discovery... This is for you.

ALIVE
POSTED AT 12:08 PM

duskee

I love the new color of my site!!! I love blue.

hahahaha... UNDERSTATEMENT!!!

Anyway, I've been feeling kinda upset last week, especially last Sunday. Some people are saying some very nasty things about me. Well, I don't think they're aiming at me. But it kinda hurts to know people could actually think those things about me to be true. But I'm ok now. I did my little crying session and afterwards, let the sun shine!

The past month has been a nightmare. I haven't had a day-off and I am just so tired. I think that's the reason why I've been so irritable and moody lately. Oh wait, I'm always like that. hehehhee...

My parents are finally coming home from Australia after a month. I was supposed to go with them. One more for the long list of "supposed to's." I hope I get to come on the next trip.

I haven't had a birthday celebration yet. And it's been a month since my birthday. Well, my soldier friends did a little something for my birthday. But it's still different to spend it with your family. I'm 22 and I still act like a 7 year old when it comes to my birthday, sans the fixation with presents.

I love Tatit's current playlist!