Entries for November, 2004
November 2nd, 2004
hollow-in POSTED AT 08:47 AM whisper blue baby tee blue, floral printed, a-line wrap around skirt tan leather clogs make up (nice, clean, pretty) Character: a real girl hahahahaha.... And in the spirit of celebrating the dead, our office smells like a home for a rotting corpse. I have no idea what the heck was inside that bottle. But whatever it is, it smells worse than the cat we dissected for zoo113 at the end of the sem. I wonder which great genius left that bottle there. It exploded during the weekend, inside our room. How lovely! And to think that supposed "scientists" use that room. 2 said what
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November 3rd, 2004
A Letter To the One that God has Prepared For Me POSTED AT 12:21 PM "I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. "Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. "I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? "Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions. "Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! "You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! "I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. "After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! "I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. "But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would s lowly heal those wounds by my love. "At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. "And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! "By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you! In the meantime, take care." Currently feeling: sigh |
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November 4th, 2004
Smile POSTED AT 12:31 PM I'm just happy that I'm happy about work. I miss the feeling. --- I almost hit a taxi last night. My dad and I were on our way to the mall, which is only a couple of blocks away. |
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November 8th, 2004
Ouchies POSTED AT 03:58 PM We did a recon for a new post yesterday and we hiked about an hour. Imagine, I slipped about 4 times on the way there in the first 20 minutes. Imagine! That has never happened before. When I was in Sierra Madre, when we were hiking for a whole day, not once did I slip. Oh well. That's what I get for sitting on my behind most of the time. The beauty about being the only female in a group of eight is no one cares if you slip every second. Someone will always be there to pick you up or hold your hand as you cross the river. Unfortunately, non of that helps in reducing the pain you feel the next day. So now, I am so sore I can't even walk straight. I am pathetic. Note to self: Always stretch or warm up before hiking. --PS: I still absolutely love my job. Currently feeling: so much pain |
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November 17th, 2004
Good-bye POSTED AT 10:23 AM Gene Boyd Lumawag was killed by a bullet to the head yesterday, November 12, 2004, at around 5:40pm in Jolo. He will be 27 next month. It is ironic that he died after taking a picture of the sunset by the pier. Although I am pretty sure I am not one of his dearest friends, I still grieve as if I’m the only one he knows. I am, after all, grieving almost at the top of a mountain, alone. Here, in this cold place, lies memories of times I shared with him. Here is where we met. Here is where we bonded. And here, my heart aches for the loss of a piece of my life. Nothing else could make me feel more sad, more heartbroken and more alone. Up here I feel useless. I can’t even reach out and embrace my friend who I know is hurting more than I am. Up here, people try to console you in the most insulting and disturbing of ways, either that or they sell you the same old crap. Do I even have to be questioned about my dedication to the job when I express my desire to go home in lieu of the tragedy? And by someone who misses meetings just to be with his LIVING girlfriend, I might add. I. AM. HURT. I. AM. ANGRY. And I need a shoulder who will embrace my tears. I have to be allowed to grieve not just to a paper and a pen. Those tragic words keep echoing in my head, “Boyd was shot and killed yesterday in Jolo.” I see him as my mom read the news article, walking down that intersection. I imagine him in jeans, probably in a blue shirt, wearing his orange shoes, his glasses, a cap, his camera hanging on his side. Walking with quick strides. Holding on to his phone slung to his neck. It is difficult to imagine how I would face tomorrow knowing that I still won’t be allowed to lament this death. His death. And now, more than ever, I need a friend. I have learned to put the eagles first in my life for the past year. Yet this time, the parrot comes first. Oh, just let a miracle happen so I can be on my way home tomorrow. Make the trees stop telling me to toughen up and quit crying. Let this eagle soar high in memory of him – C.L.I.P., parrot, tsinelas, maniniyut, friend. |
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November 22nd, 2004
November 25th, 2004
CLIP mo, CLIP ko, CLIP nating lahat. POSTED AT 11:44 AM Malabo ba? hehehe...  me, tatits, truby and chin-chin.  ang sunset namin...  vanity na ito but this is my best picture to date.  at tuluyan nang nahilo ang maniniyut... kami po ata ang isasakay dun sa ambulansya.  now if i held the bottle like that, would you believe i drank? Parrot, posing lang ito para sa iyo men.  the CLIP salute: (l-r)my brother the grr-grr, me the mommy, tatits the boo, truby at kitoy ang asawa ng parrot. Now, I'm one person short of those who forces me to drink. I still won't drink for you. I know now why it's good when it rains. And it's not because we get wet. We miss you men. lovelots. |
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