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POSTED AT 03:46 PM

duskee

I haven't felt like I belong lately, except when I'm with you.

Discovery
POSTED AT 11:09 AM

duskee

All to myself
     with a stranger
All to myself
     to know
All to myself
     in danger
All to myself
     to show
Whose reflection is this in the mirror?
Whose shadow follows me?
Whose tears are these on my cheeks?
Whose pain is in my heart?
And yet... All to myself
     to realize
All to myself
     to feel
All to myself
     to open my eyes
All to myself
     to heal
So in the end,
     There will be nothing left
          Nothing left but me.

for the future
POSTED AT 03:46 PM

duskee

Today, I let go and let God.

realization sucks
POSTED AT 06:08 PM

duskee

this is how pathetically low my self esteem has been:

someone paid me a real compliment and i just sat there and stared.

not a "oh you're so beautiful" crap either... a compliment that mattered from someone i respect.

maybe this is a call for me to relax and get refreshed, like i'm still not sure that's what it is. i've been really trying to get to that "zen" mode, but even if i'm hyper, i'm still not there.

close my eyes and blow the candle
POSTED AT 08:24 AM

duskee

there are only a few things i want for my birthday this year.

one is to actually celebrate it. i am almost 100% sure i would get to do that.

the second is to get accepted and be able to actually go.

i have no authority or power to ensure that either would come true.

all i can do is wait and brace my heart for the possibility of disappointment.

breathe
POSTED AT 06:01 AM

duskee

i think now, it would be safe to allow myself to get excited.

i don't feel different. but tomorrow i will change.

sige na lang
POSTED AT 10:20 AM

duskee

"sige na lang" ang linya ng buhay ko.

gusto kong sumama pero sige na lang, hindi ako magtatanong.

sige na lang kasi halos sigurado na akong hindi ka matutuwa. sige na lang basta hindi na uminit ulo mo. ako lang naman ang malulungkot.

pagod na ako pero sige na lang, gagawin ko nang lahat yan.

sige na lang, bukas na lang ako magpapahinga. at kung hindi man ako makapagpahinga bukas, sa susunod na araw na lang. o di kaya sa susunod na linggo, o kaya buwan o kaya taon.

pero sige na lang, kahit hindi na ako magpahinga. hindi ko naman siguro ikamamatay ang puyat at gutom.

balak ko nga pumunta pero sige na lang, may plano na pala ang buhay ko.

sige na lang kasi mukhang mas mahalaga ka keysa sa akin.

sige na lang at wala nang ilalala pa ito kasi naabot na ang limitasyon.

heto na ang puso ko. pakitapakan, paki durog, sana bali-walain mo.

at pag tuluyan nang mamatay ang dati nang patay na kaluluwa, sana sabihin mong "sige na lang, bayaan mo na yan at wala na yang silbi."

lumakad kang papalayo sa akin, parang awa mo. sige na lang at hindi na ako hihinga. sige na lang at darating ang pagkakataong iisipin mo, "sana hindi na lang."