My Crime
POSTED AT 12:48 PM

duskee

What’s worse than committing a crime?
     acting as if it never happened
          wanting more
               realizing that your conscience is numb and
                   then smiling afterwards

How did I change and why? I see myself and realize that I don’t see me at all.

That who used to be is screaming somewhere, deep inside,
   locked up, 
      freed,
         scared,  
            lost.

Help me save a morsel of who I was. I liked me better then.

Get angry at me, for me. I can’t seem to find the rage I used to have.

Has my passion died as well?

Yes, this is my crime.

Sakit
POSTED AT 03:06 PM

duskee

Sabi ko nga, mas madali pang tanggapin ang saksak sa dibdib kesa ganito. At least yung saksak, gagaling, o kaya direchong patay ka na. Ito, habang buhay ka, kikirot at kikirot hanggang halos hingin mo na lang na sana, hindi ka na huminga para tumigil na ang puso mo at tumigil na rin ang sakit.

Nasan yung pinagmamalaking mga "concerned" na mga tao? Nasan yung sinasabi nilang nagdududa?

Alam ko kung sang maitim na budhi ito nanggaling. Alam ko kung sino ang dapat sisihin.

Sana maintindihan niyo rin itong sakit na nadaranas ko. Sana minsan, dumugo din ang puso niyo. At mas importante, sana alam niyo, na kahit ano ang gawin niyo, hindi niyo ako mababago. Kahit ilang beses niyo ako sasaktan, hindi kayo mananalo. Ang buhay ko ay hindi inyo.

Tatanggapin ko itong regalo niyo sa pasko. 

Markahan ang mga luhang dulot niyo. Nasaktan man , buhay pa rin ako.

Joy
POSTED AT 01:54 PM

duskee

I just realized my posts make me look like I'm a sad person. But I'm not. I just rant about the bad so I can move on and be happy.

Right now though, there are some really crappy things happening. But it's ok. Cause I don't have to face them alone. Ergo, I'll still be fine.

Firstborn
POSTED AT 12:26 PM

duskee

It's hard to explain. After being bombarded by one bad day after the other, last night, I just suddenly felt better.

Actually, I can explain. It's the wisdom of my father.

So last night, I went to sleep, excited for the new day. And today, I was just anxious to get started.

Every moment counts as an opportunity to make a difference. I've let what has been happening to me waste away those moments in anger.

Last night I went to bed and made a decision.

Today, I start acting on it.

This is not just a "New Year" craze. I had a life-altering revelation last night and I am determined not to let it go to waste this time.

Celebrating my parent's love
POSTED AT 12:16 AM

duskee

My older brother and I decided to celebrate our parent's wedding anniversary in advanced. My work doesn't really allow my much control over my schedule. So while I'm sure that I'm around, we celebrate.

We got them certificates for the spa. Two hours of scrubbing, massage and tub soaking. We had flowers arranged on a lovely white bone vase. We had cheesecake and choco mocha cake. And, to top that off, we treated them to dinner buffet at Cafe Marco. Of course, more flowers on the dinner table.

Basically, I'm starting the New Year almost broke. But it's so worth it.

It is getting harder to think of anniversary gifts though. There's so much pressure to give or do something that will out-shine the previous year. But, I love the challenge.